Me centésimo post…my one hundredth post

On the occasion of my one hundredth post, I shall permit myself a moment of reflection and publish what perhaps is my manifesto.  En la ocasión de mi centésimo post, me permito un momento de reflexión, publicando lo que podría ser mi manifiesto.
I bought the domain alteayoga.com five years ago.  I was still in my teacher training and dreaming of wowing the world with my yoga teaching.  I started the blog a year later, with a post for an introductory yoga course.  No one signed up for the course. That was when the harsh reality of yoga teaching first blew me a bitter kiss bonjour. Since 2010, I have been offering yoga classes.  It is now 2013.  I have 8 regular students.  I love them all.  I have had people contact me through my website and by blog, but the commercial side of yoga teaching and an online presence seems to elude me yet.
But you know what?  I don’t mind one bit.  Because, in the intervening years, I have carried on my personal work and grown on so many levels.  I have let go of a lot of stuff, too, so perhaps I have shrunk a little too.  I internalized my belief that every student finds the yoga teacher they are meant to have.  I realized that my teaching yoga is a vocation, not a job.  It is what I am meant to do, and my students are the people who are meant to receive the message of yoga via me.  That’s all.  Simple eh?
I keep blogging because I love writing.  I have always loved writing.  Through all my moves, turmoils and travels, I diarised, rhymed and wrote.  I have years of journals packed lovingly away.  I still use pen and paper.  A more sanitised and coherent version appears here and in my songs.  It’s been three years and I have less than 30 followers.  And you know what?  I don’t mind one bit.  Wordsmithing was my dad’s job.  It’s my passion.   I write this blog because I enjoy writing it, not because I have an audience. 
So, indulging myself some more, I shall now make a list of a few things I believe, and publish it, knowing that the world isn’t interested in the slightest!
1.  Living well is the best revenge.  I haven’t even bothered googling it’s origin.  In these times of savings-grabs and banks going bankrupt and houses sitting empty while families are turfed onto the streets, I realised that living well is, indeed, the best revenge.  When wages go down and hours go up and everyone is on the dole, the thing The Man can never take away is your smile.  No matter what shit they throw your way, shout back “show me the hoops!”  And as long as you are not starving and sun-struck on a lost Saharan dune, vultures casting the only shadow for miles around, as long as all is not lost, LIVE WELL!  There is always something good going on.  Money doesn’t stop you having fun…worry and fear do.  The Spanish may be bad businessmen, but they sure know a lot about what I have just written.  Viva la fiesta, que es la vida!
2Hemp is God’s gift to humanity.  I eat hemp seeds, hemp protein and hemp oil every day.  My daughter eats hemp seeds every day.  Hemp grows fast and high and can be used for so many things.  The use of marijuana is safer than the use of alcohol.  I would rather meet a stoner than a drunk in a dark alleyway.  I think that some of our current anxious depression could be eased by using more weed and less tobacco.
3.  I believe in the family.  I am lucky to be with an Italian, whose attitude to family is totally different to what mine was.  Mine was all about fracture and trying to get away.  Theirs is about love.  It’s simple. My Italian family takes love as the preface to everything else.  Even when you fail, you are loved.  I was definitely raised with the feeling that love had to be earned, and could be taken away without warning.  Although I have strained and struggled to live in the confines of a mono(tonous)gamous relationship, through it, I have found a reserve of love far deeper and stronger than what I had known before.  This font of love gives me strength.   Family ties give us strength.  Let’s not get carried away here:  some families are toxic, and some relatives have to remain at arm’s length.  But when there is sanity and fairness, families give us the roots we need in order to fly.
4.  Always seek the middle way and trust in the path you are on. Don’t be tempted by mountains to scale.  Don’t be frightened by valleys so deep.  Just be patient, go as fast or as slow as seems right at the time.  Don’t be afraid to change gear, reverse, or even choose a different path from the one you’ve trodden all this time.  Approach life with a curious. grinning enthusiasm.  Leave room for uncertainty and error.  You never know what the Universe has in store for you.  That seemingly annoying deviation or delay might just lead you to the Nirvana you’d never have found on your own.  Everything that is in your Path is there to teach you.  So learn.
5.  Take magnesium.  Chloride.  Salts.  Every day.
6.  I only have my own two hands.  I yearn to change the world for the better, but spent years frustrated by my seeming inability to change anything about this mess we are in (or not, depending on your perspective.  I actually believe we are in transition, not heading for disaster.  But I think that I am in the minority…)  Then I realised that what little I am able to do counts. I offer everything up to Ishvara, the universal consciousness. Every massage, every yoga class, every meal.  I only have my own two hands.  May my tiny effort tip the balance of happiness in this world.  Ishvarapranidanah.
7.  Creativity is key to good health.  I play music.  My guy does ceramic.  My kid loves to draw.  I bet you have your special little thing that you like to do – patchwork, card making, crochet, dj’ing, gardening, photography…Whatever it is that floats your boat is what you need to dedicate a bit of time to every week, if not every day.  Creation heals.  So, get your hands and heart engaged- now! – and marvel at what lil’ old you can do!
8. Adopt an attitude of gratitude.  Stop judging and start loving.
9.  The European Union is a peace project.  I moved to Europe from Canada to be part of this grand effort.  I believe in in wholeheartedly.  It has been derailed of late by banking woes and austerity programs, but at its core, it is a project designed to prevent the outbreak of war.  It is unfashionable to voice pride in European culture and values.  Well, I believe in our culture. I would much rather be a woman, raising a daughter, in Europe than practically anywhere else.  The EU may be flawed in its execution, but the core is sound and I am glad to be a part of it.
10.  We are antennae, not ants.  It is easy to get caught up in the mundane rushrushrush of life.  It is easy to think that we are only drones, with no purpose other than pleasure, pain and procreation.  But this is not so.  We humans are upright because we are the planet’s antennae.  Alone, we are specks of cosmic danruff.  United, we broadcast the cosmic wave.  When enough of us sit down to meditate, we shall connect with the Universal Consciousness and nothing will again be as it was.
La traducción español en breve…
1.  Vivir bien es la mejor venganza.  No siquiera conozco el origen del refrán, pero no dudo que sea verdadero.  En estos tiempos de incertidumbre que estan trascurriendo, nuestro único recurso es nuestra sonrisa interior.  El Hombre no to puede quitar eso.  Cuando te mandan mierda, grita fuerte “por cuanto alto salto?” Mientras que no está todo perdido y los buitres no se estan acercando, VIVE BIEN!  Siempre hay algo de bueno.  Falta de dinero no te quita la alegría…el miedo y la preocupación, si.  Los españoles me han enseñado eso – viva la fiesta!
2.  El cañamo es un regalo divino para la humanidad.  Como diariamente semillas, proteina y aceite de cañamo.   Mi hija come semillas de cañamo a diario.  El cañamo crece fuerte y rápido y se usa para un montón de cosas.  Creo que la marijuana es más sana que el alcohol.  Prefiero cruzarme en una calle oscura con un fumador que con un borracho.  Creo que nuestra ansiedad y depresión colectiva podría mejorarse emplando más verde y menos tobacco.
3.  Creo en la familia.  Los vínculos familiares, siempre mientras sean sanos y equitable, nos dan las raices que necesitamos para volar.  Doy gracias a mi familia italiana por enseñarme que el amor antes todo es lo que más vale.  
4.  Busca el camino del medio y confia en tu camino actual.  No tengas miedo de cambiar la dirección, poner marcha atrás y a veces incluso frenar.  Deja espacio para cometer errores.  A veces las equivocaciones nos lleva al Nirvana que ni siquiera esperabamos.  Ten fé, respira honda.
5.  Toma magnesio.  Cloruro de magnesio.  Sales.  Todos los días.
6.  Solo dispongo de mis dos manos.  Aunque mis esfuerzos sean pequeños, los hago con humildad y entrega.  Ofrezco todo a la conciencia universal – Ishvara. Ishvarapranidanah.
7.  La creatividad es clave para la plena salud. Haga lo que hagas – música, dibujo, dj, jardinería, – hazlo sabiendo que tu arte es tu sanación. 
8.  La actitud de gratitud.  Deja de juzgar y comienza a amar. 
9.  La Unión Europea es un proyecto de la paz.  No hay otro proyecto de tal escala con pretensión de prevenir la guerra.  Estoy orgullosa del proyecto europeo y orgullosa de ser parte de el. 
10.  Somos antennae, no hormigas.  No te quedas atrapado en el día a día.  Los seres humanos somos las antennae del planeta Tierra.  Solos, no somos más que caspa cósmica.  Unidos, emitiremos una frequencia cósmica que nos unirá a la Conciencia Universal y, entonces, nada será como lo era antes. 
AUM.  The Guru is in you.

My personal yog: To thine own Self be true

My personal practice has been suffering of late.  Time, but also boredom, has kept me off the mat.  Granted, I have been practising a lot of yoga of daily life, being aware, present, joyful, honest and patient.  Well, most of the time.
Then I read this article, about how to be an inspiring yoga teacher, in which the author says:

When you give yourself permission to abandon the rules, to listen and truly explore and celebrate your body through the shapes and then share what you discover with your students, the movement becomes medicine. My partner and Laughing Lotus co-founder, Jasmine Tarkeshi, always says that to be a good teacher you’ve got to be a soul scientist. You truly must go into a laboratory and investigate your sacred self through your body, every single day.

Heck yeah!  I need to remember that sometimes.
The system I know and teach is called Viniyoga.  The central tenet of this system is “the yoga adapts to the person, not the person to the yoga”.  It is a system that can be considered the peak of Krishnamacharya’s life’s work and investigation.  I believe wholeheartedly in that core message and have iron faith in my teacher, Carmen, and my lineage (Krishnamacharya -> TKV Desikachar -> Claude Maréchal -> Christina S. de Ynestrillas -> Carmen Sánchez Segura).  And yet, and yet…lately something hadn’t been quite right.
I embarked on the second phase of my teacher training, the “Post-Formation” last autumn.  The format was different than the first part (once every two months, a residential weekend away) but the content built solidly on the earlier teachings.  Perhaps a bit too solidly…more sutras?  more posture analysis? etc…Boredom has always been my bugbear, so I knew I need not heed that little voice inside saying “something new…something new…go and find something new…”
What was putting me off?  Boredom, yes.  But more than anything,  a distinct lack of joy was bringing the whole tone down.  I felt the need to knuckle down for the seminars rather than blossom out.  In the meantime, I had enjoyed the wonders of Stretch Therapy and the deep relaxation of Yin Yoga.
I began to doubt…was Viniyoga too limited?  Are the postural compensations too often, too indulgent, not challenging enough?  Why is it that those who practice Viniyoga seem to do so for a very long time without ever developing the stunning and deep flexibility that other lineages develop?  Why do my teachers, who evidently know a lot about yoga and have practised for years not seem to smile, not seem joyful (with the exception of Claude) ?  The questions rolled round my head and I found no answers.
The second, then the third seminars dragged on.  One of the group dropped out.  Doubt, head-scratching, the decision to stay.
Then, I read this article and realised something both simple and profound. Having completed the teacher training, having practised solidly since 1999, I had earned the right to innovate, create, both in my personal practice and in my classes.  Of course, I had always done this, I know that I am creative when it comes to sequencing, bhavanas, important details.  But, still, I limited myself.
I think I will grant myself a little more leeway from now on, find out how Viniyoga adapts to Rachel, not Rachel to Viniyoga. 
I still believe that the training I am pursuing is the highest quality teaching I can receive here and now.  It is I who needs to transform.  OM.  May you find your own path, too.  The Guru is in you.

An update on my teaching schedule

Hello dear readers!  I thought  that I ought to let you know that I am no longer teaching at Prana in Benidorm.  I am pleased to keep working directly with Anémona, Associación de Mujeres Afectadas por cáncer del mamá, in Benidorm.  I give a yoga class every Monday morning.  This class is for group members only.  I also have a group class on Thursdays at my little Altea room.  It is a 75 minute hatha yoga class and costs €7.  I also do private classes in Altea, by appointment.  AUM.  The Guru is in you.

Let us yog!

I found this lovely quote whilst surfing the yoga blogosphere:

Within me is my true self, and my true self is both good and beautiful, and therefore, I am both good and beautiful.
My life can touch others in a positive way and this gives me the power to change the world. I can change the world.
I have the power to love myself and to love others. I can be a positive force in the universe.

(http://www.instantgoodkarma.org/index.html)

It would make a nice dedication when opening the class. AUM.

Musings: who's your intermediary?

I have reason to contemplate the why’s and wherefore’s of my profession.  Why did I choose to teach yoga?  What do I hope to achieve?
I began my healing journey long. long ago with a single thought:  I am not happy where I am. How can I change?  At the time I was 18, just going back to high school after a two year hiatus of parties and low-wage jobs and high ideals.  Embracing vegetarianism four years earlier with nary an idea of what this might mean for my body (I was much more concerned with ethical eating then), I had gained an enormous amount of weight.  Yes, dear readers, a high carb, low protein, low fat diet will make you fat.  Or rather, podgy.  I was a podgy 175lbs and unhappy about it.
I decided to change and joined the gym – the YMCA to be exact.  And I don’t mean once in a while I went to the gym.  I went about five days per week, every week, in addition to being a full time student, working in the evenings and moving only on foot and bicycle.  I was active and I instigated the change I desired.  It took a long time, but I have great faith and even greater willpower.  More than anything, I believed myself to be deserving of this attention.  I was also scared – my obese father gasping in pain from angina, wired up in the hospital bed after coronary number one, shuffling ever more slowly after heart attack number two, gave me all the motivation I ever needed to try to live a healthy life.
When I “became” a “healer” (masseur), I saw that most of my most faithful clients are the ones most unlike me.  Many people who put themselves in the care of alternative health professionals are using this as a substitute for self-care.  That’s ok, we’re all on our own journey.  But, a part of me could not stop there.
I chose yoga because it is a discipline that demands the student participate fully in her own healing journey.  The student is the one who awakens on dark winter mornings to practise.  The student is the one who holds the exhale even though fear screams loudly from the depths.  The student is the one unafraid to critique himself and his motives, steadily digging out the ego and its tricks.  Yoga asks a lot of the student and I chose to teach yoga because I admire those who are willing to take their own lives into their own hands and make the changes necessary.  Or, be brave enough to fail doing it.

Yoga as liberation

I see some professionals adopting messianic attitudes.  Stick with me and you will be well!  This in both allopathic and complimentary medicine.  Yoga is the path of liberation.  The ultimate goal of the yoga teacher is to make herself redundant.  We want to foster a steady home practice, making the student ever freer and more independent.  This is why yoga, unlike other disciplines, appeals so much to me, a confirmed libertarian.  (I used to be an anarchist, but I like libertarian humanism much more…no violent undertones).
Yoga as liberation makes it dangerous.  How so?  Well, just as the Vatican objects to the yogic notion that a person can commune with The Divine without the intervention of a priest,  some professionals (like physios or doctors or even dare I say it chiropractors) might object to the notion that a person can heal themselves.  I don’t actually think that no help is needed.  In fact, accepting our common need for interaction and the melding of human energy fields is part of the path of self development.  But, the fact that we need human touch doesn’t mean giving up our own healing power.
So, dear souls.  Believe in change, be strong enough to pursue it and set yourselves free.  Kaivalya.

Musings: The unsung note

I had the great pleasure of returning to the stage this Thursday past.  Yes, dear yogis, in my spare time I am a singer-songwriter.
I began this odyssey years ago. In fact, I could say that I have always been a musician.  As  child I played the oboe, and the recorder.  I used to sit there with my tape recorder, registering a harmony to then play the melody on top.  Too bad I only had one track!  I gave up classical music, as most teens do, only to then buy a red Yamaha bass at the age of 18.  I played in a band, and enjoyed mild local success, before shyness and nerves forced me off the stage.  Life continued apace.  I began writing more and more, diaries, poetry, laments, and soon, songs.  It took me 10 years to buy a guitar  and another four before I could tune by ear and play with some fluency. At this point, I bought my lovely Taylor 414CE cutaway and began composing the songs that I still play today.

How does this relate to yoga?

Vishuddah chakra and overcoming fear.

Singing is related to the throat (vishuddha) chakra.  Mine was most definitely blocked.  I used to speak in  a whisper and was plagued by the sensation of something in my throat.  (In TCM, this is called plum-pit throat and is related to the Liver Qi).  I bought a couple of books (Finding Your Voice, Zen Guitar), took a workshop (The Healing Voice with Jill Purce), but, mostly, I just sang.  Over and over, through smiles and tears.  Overcoming my incredible fear, I took to stage in open mic nights and small gigs in and around London.  It was terrifying but I knew it did me good.  Still, the fear was being pushed down, not truly overcome.  But, I think that in yoga we have to push past our fear, be brave and have great faith, in order to grow.  So, that was one phase of my growth.

Control of the diaphragm

Another phase of my work was taking control of my diaphragm muscle.  The diaphragm is fundamental to the singer.  My yoga teacher gave me a short personalized practice in which I did krama in the exhale.  This means, the exhale was broken up into two or more parts, and then the breath retained with the lungs empty.  For the first time in my life, I could actually locate my own diaphragm.  My colleague Santi, a fantastic osteopath, adjusted my diaphragm and pericardium, loosening the tendons and leaving my breath much freer.

Control of the perineum 

By now, my voice was vibrating nicely in my chest and abdomen.   It was mellower and sweeter and easier to control.  But, still, on the high notes, something was missing.  In my ongoing reading – I am voracious, and practically only read on theme – I came across a few lines in The Anatomy of Hatha Yoga by H. David Coulter. 

  A famous conductor…once shouted…”No! No! Squeeze it in – push it up!”  He may not have known it, but he was telling them to seal off and control the anatomical perineum – the base of the pelvis -and thereby cultivate what we have been calling abdominopelvic energy.  All trained singers have learned that the purest and richest sound originates from this region.  In the language of singers, the base of the body “supports” the voice.

Wa-hey!  that’s the secret.  On the high notes, all that perineum work I’d been doing in yoga would pay in by holding my voice up in a clean, sweet note.  Hallelujah!

Believing in myself

Yoga teaches us that within each and every human being there is a tiny spark of Divinity.  We don’t need any mediators when we talk to God because God is within.  When we first learn, then internalize this, our faith in ourselves grows and grows and we begin to value ourselves for who we are instead of what we do.  Through yoga, I realized that my music, my words, my beliefs and my message are not only valid but beautiful and even Divine.  And having that behind me, I take the stage with courage and honesty, and never try to emulate the music or sound of anyone else.  This is freedom.  And now, the fear is not being suppressed. It is no longer there.  I offer it all to God with the simple mantra, Ishvara Pranidanah.
There is karmic cleansing here.  My grandfather went down to London in the 1920’s and played his clarinet in the earliest SoHo jazz clubs.  From my limited research, there was only a handful of jazz clubs in the UK at that time, so both he and my grandmother – they met on the jazz scene – were well ahead of their time.  They married, and moved up to Yorkshire where dreams of jazz music were replaced by granite houses and the family woolens mill.  A frustrated musician to the end of his days, Grandsir, as well called him, would get drunk on G&Ts and pull out the clarinet at Christmas, even as his dentures popped from his gums.  My mum sang.  In the choir, in Gilbert and Sullivan productions, in the singalong Messiah every Ottawa Christmas.  My father was the greatest music fan.  He wept and danced and collected music.  His LP collection filled the basement of a huge Saskatchewan house by the time he died.  I come by it in honestly.  Music is in my blood.  But yoga helped – and helps – me realise it in a sane and safe way.
When our karma (work) and our dharma (lifepath) unite, we find liberation (Kaivalya).  Let yoga guide you towards Self-realization.  And don’t think for a moment that Self-realization means isolation in an ashram.  For some, maybe, but not for everyone.  Sri Aurobindo’s contribution to modern yogic thought was the idea that liberation can be found here and now, in daily life, not only when the soul leaves the body.  Be happy here and now. Bless y’all.